Infertility affects one in six couples. Similar to pregnancy loss, it is one of those things that we don’t talk enough about. Instead, we just experience it alone. We draw away from people and isolate ourselves. I’ve written a lot about fertility in these recent months, mainly because it has been living in my head rent free for over a year. I’ve gone back and forth about sharing my story. There is a part of me that questions sharing. Is sharing unprofessional? Should I just keep it to myself? Have I even struggled enough to share? At what point does failing to conceive feel abnormal? Those mind games we play can be cruel, and trust me, I’ve been playing them myself. But then again, there is a part of me that wants to share my experience, screaming it from the rooftops to normalize it, so that others feel less alone. The more I’ve shared personally, the more I’ve seen other women experiencing the same thing. So here we are, I am ready to share my infertility story.

The Reality and Timeline of Trying to Conceive

Something I hear from women all the time is how easy they expected conceiving to be. We spend years worried about getting pregnant, but when the time comes to want to conceive, we think it will be easy. Then when it comes time to consciously try, we realize that it is a bit more complicated than we originally thought. We start learning about our fertile window and ovulation test strips. We schedule intercourse to line up with ovulation, and then we experience the very long “two week wait”. For some couples, that is all it takes. It may take a couple cycles, but the vast majority of women I talk to expect to be pregnant within 3-6 cycles.

When looking at statistics, that assumption is not too far off. On average, of couples trying to conceive

• 30% get pregnant within one month

• 60% get pregnant within three months

• 80% get pregnant within six months

• 85% get pregnant within one year

Timing may vary based on maternal age and any prior diagnoses, but once you reach that 6-12 month mark, then often couples will receive a general infertility diagnosis. From this point, diagnostic evaluation for both partners is the next step. This includes lab work, imaging of the uterus and fallopian tubes, semen analysis, and a referral to urology if necessary. It is during this fact finding stage where it may be found to be female factor, male factor, mixed or even unexplained.

With all of the diagnostic information gathered, steps are then taken to assist with conception. Sometimes that can look like medication to stimulate the ovaries to produce follicles for ovulation. The two most common medications are Clomid and Letrozole. Another common procedure is intrauterine insemination, often referred to as IUI. With IUI, a sperm sample is collected and prepared, and then inserted directly into the uterus. This is done in a doctor’s office, and essentially it moves the sperm closer to the egg, allowing it to bypass the cervix. The success of IUI depends on a lot of different factors. Typically, it is recommended for couples to complete three cycles of IUI, which is three months. If unsuccessful, then often a referral for in vitro fertilization (IVF) is made. IVF is an expensive and medically invasive process requiring many medications, monitoring, and procedures. In short, medications are used to stimulate the ovaries, eggs (also called follicles) are retrieved from the ovaries and fertilized by the partner’s sperm, and then those embryos are frozen until it is time to transfer the embryo directly into the uterus with hopes that it will be successful. Sometimes it takes multiple transfers to have a viable pregnancy. IVF is far more complicated than that brief summary, but that is the quick version.

Our Infertility Story

I feel lucky that I was familiar with the timeline described above, but even with that knowledge, I still did not expect it to be my story. We took the time to prepare our bodies, and I fully expected to conceive within 3 months, though I had emotionally prepared for it to take 6 months given my history of PCOS. A couple of months into trying I had my partner do a semen analysis, which is when we discovered mild male factor infertility. As I’ve written about before, male factor infertility can be due to count, morphology, and/or motility. In our case, it was a lower sperm count. Through supplements and lifestyle changes we were able to increase sperm count, but we still got negative pregnancy tests month after month.

I can’t speak for others, but for myself, I had a mental block around “conceiving naturally”. I had dreamed about it for so long and I had imagined it perfectly in my mind. It was supposed to be a time of excitement, surprise and anticipation. As the months went on, we kept holding on to hope that it would happen without additional interventions needed. Maybe next month it’ll work? I constantly found myself apprehensive to move on to IUIs. There were so many thoughts that jumbled in my mind: denial, profound sadness and grief, judgement of myself, anger and resentment. I felt every feeling possible until I finally accepted that this is my fertility story…and it is okay. There is no “right way” to become a parent.

So that brings us to the here and now, 14 months in. We were unsuccessful with our first IUI, and we are awaiting the results of our second IUI. We’ve got one more chance before we move on to IVF in hopes of success. The emotions don’t go away, but we’ve learned ways to care for ourselves when we feel them. We still experience the endless cycle of hope and hopelessness, but I think that is unavoidable. Our lives remain tethered to the hormonal cycle and the ovulation tests, accepting that on a whim we may need to reschedule patients and meetings so that we can get in to see the doctor on time. We know that we might have some really bad days, but we try not to let that define us. There is a mental load to trying to conceive that isn’t recognized enough, which is why I want to acknowledge it. I share our journey because I want others to feel less alone. I hope that in reading this, it shines a light on an invisible burden that many of us carry.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading. If you are also experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, know that you are not alone. The more we talk about it, the more normalized it becomes, and the less alone we feel. We are all in this together.

About the Author

Dr. Hannah is a naturopathic doctor providing whole body adjunctive healthcare to families in Southern Maine. She believes every patient has their own unique health journey, which influences her personalized treatment approach. She has a passion for helping women, mothers and families heal and thrive, all while uncovering the root cause of whatever ails them. Her goal is to empower and guide her patients on the path towards healing the mind, body and soul through natural methods of healing. Dr. Hannah sees patients locally in Portland, Maine. Through telehealth, she is happy to serve the people of Lewiston, Ellsworth, Bangor, and all the towns in between!

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